Nothing to crazy going on around here, family is doing well, Aj turned 23, Guy made it through his biopsy, and I am recovering from my Myelography I had on Tuesday. A myelography is when they inject die into your spinal canal and then moved me around and took x-rays to see where my nerves are damaged in my back, and legs. I was in the hospital for about 6 hrs, it was a long day. Now I am just getting over the pain in my lower back which is sharper then prior procedure, and a lot of headaches which was to be expected. Still doing therapy, laying low, and just trying to deal with it. My back feels like it is never going to get better. BUT I have a new doctor, who I like a lot; Aunt Peg (or cousin if you want to be political) referred us to her at St. Luke’s. Everyone at St. Luke’s so far has been very nice, whether it is in person or on the phone. And they call back right away too. I like it, a lot. It is much easier to be injured and have Doctor who is proactive in getting you better...even though it’s taken awhile :)
That’s just the low down on my back; hopefully I will be getting better. Throughout all this, back stuff, needles, and medicine, I have been thinking a lot, and those who know me, know that’s not always a good thing ;) But, awhile back when I was dealing with this and our friend Dan past away, my mom said to me "Think you can explain the difference between emotional pain, and physical pain?" I have been thinking about that since she asked. A lot of different things come to mind.
My back has been intense. Needle after needle, knot massage 3 times a week and trying to lose weight all at the same time when my back will not even bend. I have spent a lot of time with doctors, and my physical therapist, who I know see more than some of my best friends, he pushed me hard every day. But the pain throughout all of this had been constant. The pinch of the needle going in epidural after epidural, and the pain of Jake (my pt) rubbing out my back muscles day in and out, it never changes. It hurts, it is hard to deal with, but with some medicine, ice, and rest I can make it through everyday life. But emotional pain, that pain that lives with you every single day, like the loose of our dearest friend Dan, who can never be replaced, just the thought of missing him still bring tears to my eyes. There are songs, beers, and saying that if I hear or see, immediately I see and hear Dan next to me, with that unforgettable smile, and outstanding hugs. He would not want us to cry, but damnit. It is just not fair. Dealing with something so...monumental makes me back pain so minimal. I have noticed that throughout all this, physical pain can be so 'intense' but yet so...backseat at times to the emotional parts of life. Maybe it is just me.
